It’s still August, which means it’s still National Dog Month, and if you thought Callaway was done after the Corgi, Dachshund and Yorkie editions, you clearly haven’t been paying attention.
Sticking with the small dog theme, Callaway has just released (probably while wheezing) its last (I think) Small Dog edition: the French Bulldog-themed Chrome Tour.
Why French Bulldogs?
Well, for starters, Frenchies are currently the most popular dog breed in America, which means Callaway is probably printing money here. They’ve become the pumpkin spice latte of the dog world—they’re everywhere you look, inexplicably expensive, and owned by people who think they’re unique despite being exactly like everyone else.
Plus, there’s something fitting about playing a ball themed after a dog that can barely breathe walking to its food bowl, much like most of us walking up to the 18th tee.
Four Versions, Four attitudes
Because apparently one French Bulldog design wasn’t enough to satisfy Callaway’s apparent need to corner the market on overpriced designer dog enthusiasm, they’re offering four separate dozen-ball packages to match the common Frenchie coat colors:
Black
For the golfer who wants their ball to look as serious and brooding as their dog after being told it can’t have another treat
Fawn
The classic choice for players who prefer their golf balls to match their dog’s perpetually confused expression
Cream
Perfect for golfers who want to explain to their playing partners that yes, this is technically a different color from white
Pied
For those who couldn’t decide on just one color and wanted their golf ball to look like it’s wearing a designer sweater
Instead of getting multiple designs in a single box, you get multiple ways to lose the same overpriced dog-themed golf ball in the woods. How perfectly expensive for the multiple Frenchie household.
Is There Any Performance Value Here?
You may find yourself asking if these balls will help you play better.
Doubtful.
What if I told you the squished face of a French Bulldog helps you visualize compression at impact? Again, I totally made that up, but that’s what you could tell people when they ask why you’re playing a ball that looks like it ran face-first into a wall.
That’s a Frenchie joke right there (and probably offensive to Frenchie owners, who paid $4,000 for a dog that sounds like a broken vacuum cleaner).
Not Into the Snort Life?
Not a French Bulldog fan? Well, we’re done with the dog thing for another year. Maybe next year we’ll get Chrome Tour Pug, Chrome Tour Boston Terrier and, most definitely, the Chrome Tour Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, because a product with that many syllables would be totally on-brand for the company that brought you the Big Bertha Alpha Double Black Diamond and the Paradym Ai Smoke Ti 340 Mini Driver.
The Flat Truth
The Chrome Tour Small Dog French Bulldog maintains all the tech specs of the regular Chrome Tour. The only difference is now your ball looks like it’s struggling to breathe before you even tee it up and give it a whack.
For the last time, not that I’m suggesting you hit your dog.
The Bottom Line
I don’t know if you’re a French Bulldog fan or not. Statistically speaking, you probably are, since everyone and their yoga instructor seems to have one now.
Anyway, if you think Callaway’s final round of dog balls is for you, I suggest you act quickly. Because dogs are awesome and we love them, these drops tend to sell quickly.
And unlike actual French Bulldogs, these balls don’t cost more than your car payment.
Callaway Chrome Tour Small Dog French Bulldog golf balls are available now.
KJC
10 months ago
I am ready to move on.